at peace
Funeral
Ceremonies
Choosing the right ceremony will depend upon several factors:
- the person’s, your and your family’s religious and spiritual beliefs
- whether you want a traditional ceremony, a modern approach or a combination of both
- the overall funeral costs
Unless a person has left you specific instructions, it’s often hard to tell if you are making the right decisions and this worry can also add to your stress and heartbreak.
There are no perfect solutions, but, at the end of the day, it helps to remember that you can only do your best and your Funeral Director and Celebrant will help to take some of the load from your shoulders.
Six different funeral ceremonies
cremations
You might wish to hold the funeral ceremony in the crematorium’s chapel. Remember, service times are fixed ranging from 20 minute through to 50 minute slots (depending upon the crematorium). You can of course, book a double slot – though that can be an expensive option.
You might prefer to meet elsewhere to hear the tributes and eulogy and spend more time sharing memories, before your final farewell. In that case, afterwards, you and your closest family and friends could still go on to the crematorium or stay where you are and say your final goodbyes from there.
Direct cremations do not involve any ceremonies, the person is taken straight to the crematorium to be cremated. Memorial ceremonies can be held afterwards to honour and celebrate a person’s life.
traditional burials
Like Crematoria, Municipal Cemeteries tend to have non-denominational chapels available for hire. There are also a growing number of churches that allow non-Christians to conduct ceremonies within their buildings.
It’s also possible for you to meet in a secular venue (pubs, hotels, clubs, community halls) hold the tributes and eulogy there and then move on to the cemetery for the final committal and burial.
You will find that burial plots can range from around £600 through to £5000+ though many church graveyards are officially closed and have stopped selling new plots.
Some municipal burial sites have areas separated out for different religious groups.
natural burials or green burials
You might be wondering what the difference is between the two. ‘Natural burials’ refer to the burial process and can occur in a green burial site or an ordinary cemetery. ‘Green burials’ refer to the cemetery or burial ground as well as the process.
If you choose a Green burial site you will find it is governed by stringent rules and these may vary according to each site. Generally, they prohibit embalming and stipulate acceptable materials for coffins or shrouds, flower arrangements and headstones.
You will also find that most natural burial sites are more relaxed about the ceremonies and time scales of the burial on the day. Usually, the ceremonies are held around the grave where people may gather (bringing camping chairs or similar) to listen and participate. There might be a covered area or building in which to hold your ceremony if the weather is bad, this is not guaranteed at every site.
It’s not unusual for mourners to arrive on horseback, carriage or bring their dogs. You can also stay after the burial, perhaps for a picnic, and continue to share your stories and memories.
scattering ashes
When a family member is cremated, you may be concerned about the ashes and what to do with them.
You could have them intered in a church graveyard or a cemetery accompanied by a ceremony.
Alternatively, there are few rules governing where ashes can be scattered: rivers, national parks, commons, forestry land or the sea. You might want to check first before you go ahead.
memorial services
Although similar in some ways to a funeral service, a memorial service takes place after the burial or cremation.
A memorial service gives you and your family the opportunity to honour and pay tribute to your loved ones without the restrictions or time limits of a church or crematorium.
You can hold memorial services in clubs, parks, hotels, sports fields, the top of a mountain or a boat on the sea. Almost anywhere that is accessible and available.
living tributes
Living tributes (or living funerals) are still unusual in this country. They are similar to an ordinary funeral, but without the coffin or casket and attended in person by the guest of honour. Members of your family might choose to have a living tribute if they are terminally ill or have reached a milestone age – 90 or 100 years old.
Living tributes may start with a sombre acknowledgement of the situation but then move into a more joyful celebration of the person’s life. Your family and friends can express their appreciation and the guest of honour can also speak too to show their appreciation of the family.
Frequently Asked Questions
we can discuss these fully when we meet
It’s a very good question as there are many highly experienced and great Celebrants available. They all want to provide memorable funeral ceremonies and are passionate about their role and the people they work with.
What may make me different is the fact that I can draw on a widely diverse set of skills and experiences such as a life-long love of creative writing that helps me to reflect the stories, the essence and the unique and wonderous qualities of a person.
I’m an experienced trainer in presentation skills helping the most anxious to feel confident enough to stand up and speak in front of audiences almost like a professional.
I’m a part-time musician with a broad knowledge of music and an extensive network of performers from harpists, heavy metal bands through to barber-shop singers.
I’m competent using zoom and online communications. This is a particularly useful skill when families are spread across the country and the world and want to be included in the creation of the ceremony.
But most of all, from my personal experiences of bereavement and grief, I can connect with people during their saddest, loneliest and unhappiest times and turn their wishes and hopes for the funeral ceremony into a comforting reality.
- We will arrange to meet up when we can have an in-depth chat about what you would like. You can also decide, having met me, whether you would like me to assist with the funeral ceremony
- I will then help you to plan the ceremony, providing as much support as you require. You, your family and friends can share stories, memories, photos, music or whatever you think would help to create a memorable portrait of the person.
- You may want your family and friends to write a tribute or eulogy.
- You may want to include slide shows of photographs, a short dvd, poetry or letters written by the person or the family, favourite readings from novels or plays, or perhaps talking about treasured items or articles of clothing.
- We can then devise a ceremony that you will be proud of and that reflects the spirit, the essence, the achievements, the funny stories or perhaps the quarky ways of your loved one.
- I will send you a draft script for you to alter or ammend.
- The script may undergo several changes until you are completely satisfied with it.
- I will stay in touch with you until and on the day of the funeral
- At the funeral I will meet you and then, depending upon what has been agreed, I will deliver the entire ceremony, parts of the ceremony or standby whilst your family lead the way.
- You will be in total control and there will be no surprises on the day.
My fees vary according to the type of ceremony you wish me to lead. Once I know your needs I can calculate the fees – there will be no surprises
There is no charge for local ceremonies if the person is under 16 years old.
Yes, I can include single or multi-faith prayers, readings, songs and hymns.
If you want a completely religious funeral it would be better to work with officials from your church, synagogue, mosque, temple or wherever appropriate.
Speaking in public can be very scarey if you’re not used to it. I can help you beforehand with presentation tips and strategies to calm nerves.
I will be ready to stand in at any time if someone feels overwhelmed by the event and decides not to speak.
Sometimes we are called upon to plan the funeral of someone we hardly know. At first, that may seem an impossible task.
Yes, it will be a challenge, but not insurmountable. Together, even though there may be little factual information available, we can still craft a ceremony that will make you proud .
We do not live in an ideal world and we do not always get on with everyone we know or meet. Unfortunately, families and friends can fall out and break apart often leaving behind very strong and complicated emotions and beliefs.
A funeral is a final farewell not a personal judgement on someone’s life. Whilst being responsible for the ceremony, you do not have to write it or open old wounds.
I will create it for you requiring only the minimum of your involvement if that is what you chose.
I have the nationally recognised Level 3 Diploma for Funeral Celebrants.
The Diploma was awarded to me following completion of an exemplary Celebrant’s diploma course delivered by one of the leading funeral training organisations in the country – Green Fuse.
Green Fuse have the added advantage of being both highly experienced and skilful Celebrants as well as being highly respected and much sought after Funeral Directors.
I adhere to the Green Fuse code of conduct which can be found here.
